The More I Work, The More I Realize My Place In The Home

     The more I work, the more I realize that my place is in the home. Now I'm not trying to set us back 50 years ladies, and I am not suggesting this is the right choice for anyone other than myself. I remember a time when my house was clean. When the laundry was done, When dishes were put away. I'm ready for the day to come when I can spend more time in my house, making it a home. I want to be able to spend 3 hours on cooking a home made meal, and not just something I threw together in 30 minutes. I don't want my children to have to retreat to the dryer to find clean underwear when they are getting dressed for school. It's funny how when you plan your life, your successful working woman life, you never see it without the rose colored glasses. You don't think about the fact that if you are working 60 hours a week you are not going to feel like cleaning house and cooking dinner. You don't consider the time that you are not going to be spending at home.

      My husband is a full time student in a professional program. Thank God he only has one year to go! He has been a student every since we got married, and I knew this was the plan in advance. I knew that I would be the one that had to be financially responsible for our family during this time, I just didn't realize how hard it would actually be to support a family of four by myself. Throughout this journey, I have been serving as youth minister in my church, owned and operated my own business, and also taken on odd jobs as they have been offered to me.

     God has certainly been faithful to my family financially during this time. There have been months that I honestly had no clue where the money would come from to keep the lights on in our house, but God always provided. I am so appreciative of the talents and gifts He has instilled in me, without them I would surely have been sunk. And while these things have kept me afloat where finances are concerned, they have also kept me busy outside the home.

   Today I was reading in Titus chapter 2 and I realized that with all God has allowed me to do in this life, he does, more than anything else, want me to tend to my family. Someone told me this week that God instituted families long before he instituted the church. God has allowed me to be a successful business woman, but that should never be at the cost of my family. I never thought the day would come when I wanted to work less and do more laundry. I loathe laundry. But I love it when it's hung up, put away, and not just a pile in the floor reminding me that I can't do everything. It's in those moments of self disappointment and frustration that a still small voice reminds me that I am not supposed to do everything... I am supposed to do what matters. I am making a promise to myself and to my family to cut out some of that stuff that does not matter. That's the only way that I can effectively show them what does.

Food {My Second Favorite Thing}

I haven't had lunch yet and I'm starving! My mouth is watering thinking about what to eat. Most days I crave anything that has carbs, lots of carbs. My brother just celebrated the one year anniversary of the restaurant that he co-owns, American Grill in Grove, Oklahoma. I would like to just say congratulations to him and all that work there for making it a fabulous dining experience. There food is amazing. In particular I like the blackened chicken alfredo. Completely from scratch, they start with butter, rich cream and spices and chicken breast seasoned and grilled to juicy perfection. And it's all made to order! Here it is start to finish in photos... Can you smell it? 

If you are not a pasta lover, no problem! American Grill has yummy chicken fried steak, perfect burgers, ribs, and did I mention the grilled salmon with pinapple salsa? There is a lot to love about the place.

My kids love the old fashioned swivel bar stools.

And always, service with a smile :)

 

Good At Catching Husbands

My sweet old granny was talking with some of our other family members one day and from the other room I heard her say this, "Joanna is good at catching husbands, she just doesn't know how to keep them!" Being a person that is not easily offended, I giggled to myself, and then of course told everyone I knew what she had said and we all giggled some more together. The words have stuck with me and occasionally there are times where I can see why she said what she said.

You see, my whole life I have not been one that kept men around very long. In high school I didn't date much, but when I did it never did last long. Usually the breakups would occur before the first kiss. Yes I was a prude, moving on.... I grew up with a fairy tale standard of what relationships and romance should be. This poured over into my ideas of what marriage was going to be like. I thought it would be like a fairy tale, but as they say, all great fairy tales end on the wedding day, thus concealing the ugly truth of marriage.

I can't think of a single guy that I dated when I was in school that I felt was good enough for me. I was a virgin, and didn't drink, didn't blah blah blah. Stupid I'm better than you's that kept me just out of reach. Delusions of grandeur I suppose. I have learned the hard way that equality is the key to a good marriage. A wife that submits to the husband. A husband that is fully submitted to God. Thus making it equal. Woman was created from a mans rib to walk beside him. Not from the feet to be trampled and not from the back to be behind. Anyway, none of that really mattered anyway because if my standards weren't the death of the relationship then surely I would find another way to sabotage it.

Perhaps it is because I come from a home where I was told daily that I am the most beautiful, the smartest, the most talented and gifted girl. So naturally, being fed that everyday I believed it. I got an early start to thinking that I was the bomb.com. And there was maybe possibly one night and shining armor out there waiting for me, fighting for me, dreaming of me at night. One man that would live up to my standards. One man that would be the most perfect husband.

Let me just tell ya... I'm not sure that Jesus himself could have lived up to the standards I had set for marriage! It has taken me 30 years, one failed marriage, an affair, one rocky marriage, and a million mistakes in between to even come close to grasping what it takes to actually have a marriage that lasts a lifetime. One way for sure to screw a marriage up before it starts is to set unreachable standards for it. You need goals in a marriage that are attainable. Something a husband can live up to. Don't set your man up for failure.

If you want to keep a husband, and perhaps actually have a GOOD(not perfect) marriage, here is a list of good things you can do.

1. Be his biggest fan. The man needs an encourager and that is you.

2. Don't dash his dreams. He may never be the king of WWF but it's your job to let him know that in your heart and mind he could be.

3. Let him be the man. He is the man, you are not. Give back the pants. :)

4. Learn his love language and speak it fluently. Get the book. This is life changing. 

5. Learn his needs. Generally they are in this order... Sex Food Sleep. Now meet them.

This is just a start and I am sure I will have more to say about this matter later. I love marriage. I think all marriages are worth fighting for. I know that sometimes people marry the wrong person, but you know what? Who's to say that can't end up being the most satisfying relationship either have ever been in. I believe it can happen. And I know from experience that staying in a not so good marriage is easier than divorce. Divorce really sucks and no one really aspires to go there. So, believing that we want to keep our husbands, not just catch them, I will blog on about this later! Good day, All!

❉TRY SOMETHING YOU'RE GOOD AT FOR A CHANGE❉

The question that haunts most teenagers and some adults that I know is this: What do you want to be when you grow up? 


Most parents, teachers, friends, insert the name of any opinionated person here, have something to say in response.  Parents push their children to consider med school or to take up engineering or any number of professions that come with a fat pay check. Friends push each other into like professions so they can combine work with social time. Husbands push their wives to get a "real job" or to quit working all together. I think occasionally people forget that if they are asking the question then they are not to be answering the question. It makes me wonder, do they really want to know what goals that person has set for themselves or by asking are they simply supplying themselves with an opportunity to insert their own opinion?


 Lets face it, you can't tell a bird to be a fish. A bird can never be a fish. We won't all grow up to be doctors or lawyers... some will grow up to be cowboys, and darn good ones at that. 


I spent most of my teen and adult life trying to be something I wasn't. I did not polish my talents or sharpen the skills I was given. I set them aside to get rusty. I went to college, changed my major a dozen times or more, never finding just the right fit. I tried and tried to be all of the things my parents and friends told me I should be or could be. Where did it get me? Miserable, alone, and not knowing who I was created to be. 


I had a wake up call... A bright neon sign began to flash in my head. It read, You are gifted and talented for a reason dummy, use that stuff I have built into you! If you cultivate the gifts and talents God gives you and the passions he writes on your heart, then you have found your way! That is the answer to the question! What do I want to be when I grow up? The person God has created to be, and I am going use every talent He has given me and I won't be miserable, and I won't be a failure, and I won't be alone, and I won't be sorry. I will be who I am and that will be good enough. It will also be what I am good at :)


When is the last time you pursued your passion? How often do you use your gifts and talents? Try something you're good at for a change.

¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ Are we adlults, or are we children?¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

1 Corinthians 13:11 came to me, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.

   Why is it that people grow up to be fully functioning adults and yet insist on acting like children? Thinking like a child, reasoning like a child and speaking like a child, acting like a child. 

   It's obvious to me that a choice has to be made to put away the childish attitude. People have to decided to do it. I think for a lot of adults this point never happens in their life, and for others childish ways sneak up in times of conflict or times of self-protecting.

   Dealing with people that have not made the choice to be an adult really wears me down. It's so aggravating to me, and honestly tends to make me want to sink to the same level. Which in the end just leaves me frustrated and feeling bad. 

   Anyone have any pointers? I know this is a short one, but it's good for thought.

✧I'm Gonna Check Myself Before I Wreck Myself ✧

in·teg·ri·ty

 

–noun

1.

adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2.

the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

3.

a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

I had a rough week last week. I found myself in a situation that I had not experienced for quite some time. A full-on character attack. My integrity was being questioned. Instantly I found myself very angry. The more I thought about it, the more I prayed about it, the more I sat on it, the angrier I got. 

I began to wonder why I was so hot over this. I knew where my moral standard was in the situation and I knew the person was trying to build them self up by way of diversion. I also knew that I was dealing with a non believer. Nonetheless, I was mad. 

As a christian, there was a time when I thought it was not okay to get mad. It just did not seem like the Jesus thing to do, you know? However, not being able to shake it this time I turned to the word. 

Ephesians 2:26a says Be angry, and do not sin. BE ANGRY!!! That's not an option it is a command. Be angry the bible tells us and do not sin. So we should be angry. Things that would anger God should anger us. The second part of that verse is the tricky part.... do not sin. Even righteous anger can quickly go down a bad road. I was in a situation that I didn't know exactly how to handle. Lucky for me my trusty road map had some good direction.

Proverbs 26:4-5 (The Message)

 ⁴ Don't respond to the stupidity of a fool;
   you'll only look foolish yourself.
 ⁵ Answer a fool in simple terms
   so he doesn't get a swelled head.

Proverbs 26:4-5 (New Living Translation)

 ⁴ Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools,
      or you will become as foolish as they are.
 ⁵ Be sure to answer the foolish arguments of fools,
      or they will become wise in their own estimation.

I decided I would throw in a couple of translations because I love them both. You can't argue with a fool on their level because that will just bring you down, making you look foolish as well. However, you can not let their foolish arguments go unrebuttled. If you do they will feel justified, so don't allow them that satisfaction. I have got to learn to operate with wisdom and discernment here so that I do not end up looking like the fool :)


The older I get the more I realize that the only thing I have here on this earth, the only thing that truly belongs to me is who I am. My character. My integrity. Insulting my person is not the same as insulting the pair of shoes I have on, and that's not a jab I am willing to stand and take. 


 Vengeance is the Lord's. In the end it all comes out in the wash. With that said, I am going to try and simmer down. And as my kids like to hear me say, I'm gonna check myself before I wreck myself. Good day. 

◊◊Love Makes Requests, Not Demands◊◊

I've been married twice. I'm not proud, that's just the reality of my situation. The first time I was married to an older man, and my current husband is close to 5 years my youth. One thing I have found to be truth in both situations is their great ability to hold on to their boyhood.

It does seem in most cases of marriages that I know the wife is the mature party, the party that more often makes sacrifices, the less selfish one of the two. I am no expert, but I have survived my way through a few extremely difficult marriage situations, and it doesn't take a genius to spot a pattern.

My husband and I have discussed at great length what the deal might be.  I lean toward believing that a lot of growing up that woman do comes with motherhood.  Because we carry the child inside of us and because when a baby is born it is our direct responsibly to take care of that child, as women we have no choice but to put someone other than ourselves first. Child bearing has a lot to do with the grow up factor.

Because men don't experience this along with us as it happens, there can be division and resentment. Sometimes women find themselves feeling like a parent to their child and their spouse. Sometimes this can seem like the most frustrating thing in the world to a wife. Wives will become bossy and demanding, and barking out orders to their husbands. Not because they want to but because it may seem necessary to get simple tasks accomplished.  Husbands aren't naturally inclined to know when diapers need changing or observant of the fact that you have a screaming baby in one hand, the dog in the other, and are trying to pack in groceries with your elbows.

When you take on this parent role to your spouse what you are saying is, we are no longer equal partners. It's hard to nourish an intimate marriage relationship with someone that you feel is not your equal. Resentment can set in in a flash. So what is the solution? Work very hard to make requests not demands. Instead of barking orders and getting frustrated, try to build a habit of bringing these needs to your spouses attention in a less aggressive manor. Ask politely. Don't roll your eyes. Say please. And not with that voice inflection that says you are annoyed :)

The truth is the growing up and the change for the better has to come from inside them. Nothing you can say will do the trick, but I promise if you can learn to approach it in a better way you will see better results.