Good At Catching Husbands

My sweet old granny was talking with some of our other family members one day and from the other room I heard her say this, "Joanna is good at catching husbands, she just doesn't know how to keep them!" Being a person that is not easily offended, I giggled to myself, and then of course told everyone I knew what she had said and we all giggled some more together. The words have stuck with me and occasionally there are times where I can see why she said what she said.

You see, my whole life I have not been one that kept men around very long. In high school I didn't date much, but when I did it never did last long. Usually the breakups would occur before the first kiss. Yes I was a prude, moving on.... I grew up with a fairy tale standard of what relationships and romance should be. This poured over into my ideas of what marriage was going to be like. I thought it would be like a fairy tale, but as they say, all great fairy tales end on the wedding day, thus concealing the ugly truth of marriage.

I can't think of a single guy that I dated when I was in school that I felt was good enough for me. I was a virgin, and didn't drink, didn't blah blah blah. Stupid I'm better than you's that kept me just out of reach. Delusions of grandeur I suppose. I have learned the hard way that equality is the key to a good marriage. A wife that submits to the husband. A husband that is fully submitted to God. Thus making it equal. Woman was created from a mans rib to walk beside him. Not from the feet to be trampled and not from the back to be behind. Anyway, none of that really mattered anyway because if my standards weren't the death of the relationship then surely I would find another way to sabotage it.

Perhaps it is because I come from a home where I was told daily that I am the most beautiful, the smartest, the most talented and gifted girl. So naturally, being fed that everyday I believed it. I got an early start to thinking that I was the bomb.com. And there was maybe possibly one night and shining armor out there waiting for me, fighting for me, dreaming of me at night. One man that would live up to my standards. One man that would be the most perfect husband.

Let me just tell ya... I'm not sure that Jesus himself could have lived up to the standards I had set for marriage! It has taken me 30 years, one failed marriage, an affair, one rocky marriage, and a million mistakes in between to even come close to grasping what it takes to actually have a marriage that lasts a lifetime. One way for sure to screw a marriage up before it starts is to set unreachable standards for it. You need goals in a marriage that are attainable. Something a husband can live up to. Don't set your man up for failure.

If you want to keep a husband, and perhaps actually have a GOOD(not perfect) marriage, here is a list of good things you can do.

1. Be his biggest fan. The man needs an encourager and that is you.

2. Don't dash his dreams. He may never be the king of WWF but it's your job to let him know that in your heart and mind he could be.

3. Let him be the man. He is the man, you are not. Give back the pants. :)

4. Learn his love language and speak it fluently. Get the book. This is life changing. 

5. Learn his needs. Generally they are in this order... Sex Food Sleep. Now meet them.

This is just a start and I am sure I will have more to say about this matter later. I love marriage. I think all marriages are worth fighting for. I know that sometimes people marry the wrong person, but you know what? Who's to say that can't end up being the most satisfying relationship either have ever been in. I believe it can happen. And I know from experience that staying in a not so good marriage is easier than divorce. Divorce really sucks and no one really aspires to go there. So, believing that we want to keep our husbands, not just catch them, I will blog on about this later! Good day, All!

❉TRY SOMETHING YOU'RE GOOD AT FOR A CHANGE❉

The question that haunts most teenagers and some adults that I know is this: What do you want to be when you grow up? 


Most parents, teachers, friends, insert the name of any opinionated person here, have something to say in response.  Parents push their children to consider med school or to take up engineering or any number of professions that come with a fat pay check. Friends push each other into like professions so they can combine work with social time. Husbands push their wives to get a "real job" or to quit working all together. I think occasionally people forget that if they are asking the question then they are not to be answering the question. It makes me wonder, do they really want to know what goals that person has set for themselves or by asking are they simply supplying themselves with an opportunity to insert their own opinion?


 Lets face it, you can't tell a bird to be a fish. A bird can never be a fish. We won't all grow up to be doctors or lawyers... some will grow up to be cowboys, and darn good ones at that. 


I spent most of my teen and adult life trying to be something I wasn't. I did not polish my talents or sharpen the skills I was given. I set them aside to get rusty. I went to college, changed my major a dozen times or more, never finding just the right fit. I tried and tried to be all of the things my parents and friends told me I should be or could be. Where did it get me? Miserable, alone, and not knowing who I was created to be. 


I had a wake up call... A bright neon sign began to flash in my head. It read, You are gifted and talented for a reason dummy, use that stuff I have built into you! If you cultivate the gifts and talents God gives you and the passions he writes on your heart, then you have found your way! That is the answer to the question! What do I want to be when I grow up? The person God has created to be, and I am going use every talent He has given me and I won't be miserable, and I won't be a failure, and I won't be alone, and I won't be sorry. I will be who I am and that will be good enough. It will also be what I am good at :)


When is the last time you pursued your passion? How often do you use your gifts and talents? Try something you're good at for a change.

¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ Are we adlults, or are we children?¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

1 Corinthians 13:11 came to me, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.

   Why is it that people grow up to be fully functioning adults and yet insist on acting like children? Thinking like a child, reasoning like a child and speaking like a child, acting like a child. 

   It's obvious to me that a choice has to be made to put away the childish attitude. People have to decided to do it. I think for a lot of adults this point never happens in their life, and for others childish ways sneak up in times of conflict or times of self-protecting.

   Dealing with people that have not made the choice to be an adult really wears me down. It's so aggravating to me, and honestly tends to make me want to sink to the same level. Which in the end just leaves me frustrated and feeling bad. 

   Anyone have any pointers? I know this is a short one, but it's good for thought.

✧I'm Gonna Check Myself Before I Wreck Myself ✧

in·teg·ri·ty

 

–noun

1.

adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2.

the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

3.

a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

I had a rough week last week. I found myself in a situation that I had not experienced for quite some time. A full-on character attack. My integrity was being questioned. Instantly I found myself very angry. The more I thought about it, the more I prayed about it, the more I sat on it, the angrier I got. 

I began to wonder why I was so hot over this. I knew where my moral standard was in the situation and I knew the person was trying to build them self up by way of diversion. I also knew that I was dealing with a non believer. Nonetheless, I was mad. 

As a christian, there was a time when I thought it was not okay to get mad. It just did not seem like the Jesus thing to do, you know? However, not being able to shake it this time I turned to the word. 

Ephesians 2:26a says Be angry, and do not sin. BE ANGRY!!! That's not an option it is a command. Be angry the bible tells us and do not sin. So we should be angry. Things that would anger God should anger us. The second part of that verse is the tricky part.... do not sin. Even righteous anger can quickly go down a bad road. I was in a situation that I didn't know exactly how to handle. Lucky for me my trusty road map had some good direction.

Proverbs 26:4-5 (The Message)

 ⁴ Don't respond to the stupidity of a fool;
   you'll only look foolish yourself.
 ⁵ Answer a fool in simple terms
   so he doesn't get a swelled head.

Proverbs 26:4-5 (New Living Translation)

 ⁴ Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools,
      or you will become as foolish as they are.
 ⁵ Be sure to answer the foolish arguments of fools,
      or they will become wise in their own estimation.

I decided I would throw in a couple of translations because I love them both. You can't argue with a fool on their level because that will just bring you down, making you look foolish as well. However, you can not let their foolish arguments go unrebuttled. If you do they will feel justified, so don't allow them that satisfaction. I have got to learn to operate with wisdom and discernment here so that I do not end up looking like the fool :)


The older I get the more I realize that the only thing I have here on this earth, the only thing that truly belongs to me is who I am. My character. My integrity. Insulting my person is not the same as insulting the pair of shoes I have on, and that's not a jab I am willing to stand and take. 


 Vengeance is the Lord's. In the end it all comes out in the wash. With that said, I am going to try and simmer down. And as my kids like to hear me say, I'm gonna check myself before I wreck myself. Good day. 

◊◊Love Makes Requests, Not Demands◊◊

I've been married twice. I'm not proud, that's just the reality of my situation. The first time I was married to an older man, and my current husband is close to 5 years my youth. One thing I have found to be truth in both situations is their great ability to hold on to their boyhood.

It does seem in most cases of marriages that I know the wife is the mature party, the party that more often makes sacrifices, the less selfish one of the two. I am no expert, but I have survived my way through a few extremely difficult marriage situations, and it doesn't take a genius to spot a pattern.

My husband and I have discussed at great length what the deal might be.  I lean toward believing that a lot of growing up that woman do comes with motherhood.  Because we carry the child inside of us and because when a baby is born it is our direct responsibly to take care of that child, as women we have no choice but to put someone other than ourselves first. Child bearing has a lot to do with the grow up factor.

Because men don't experience this along with us as it happens, there can be division and resentment. Sometimes women find themselves feeling like a parent to their child and their spouse. Sometimes this can seem like the most frustrating thing in the world to a wife. Wives will become bossy and demanding, and barking out orders to their husbands. Not because they want to but because it may seem necessary to get simple tasks accomplished.  Husbands aren't naturally inclined to know when diapers need changing or observant of the fact that you have a screaming baby in one hand, the dog in the other, and are trying to pack in groceries with your elbows.

When you take on this parent role to your spouse what you are saying is, we are no longer equal partners. It's hard to nourish an intimate marriage relationship with someone that you feel is not your equal. Resentment can set in in a flash. So what is the solution? Work very hard to make requests not demands. Instead of barking orders and getting frustrated, try to build a habit of bringing these needs to your spouses attention in a less aggressive manor. Ask politely. Don't roll your eyes. Say please. And not with that voice inflection that says you are annoyed :)

The truth is the growing up and the change for the better has to come from inside them. Nothing you can say will do the trick, but I promise if you can learn to approach it in a better way you will see better results.

Cupcakes-N-Gravy mmm mmm

Miss Emily came over and we wore ourselves out slaving over cupcakes. From the tie dye variety to coconut cream, we covered all the bases. It was a blast, and it was tasty.

The Following Morning was See You at the Pole. All in all it was a good day with 101 in attendance at the pole to pray for their school and for their nation. We followed it up with a biscuit and gravy breakfast. mmm

••• Joanna, Marriage Warrior •••

If you claim to have feelings you do not have, well that's just hypocritical. But, if you express an act of love that is for another person's benefit or pleasure, that is simply a choice. - The Five Love Languages 


I have found myself quoting excerpts from this book to my friends and family for months now. This book completely changed the way I look at giving and receiving love. It has opened up my eyes to how people need to be loved and how I need to be love and how everyone's idea of showing love is different.

We, as selfish creatures, generally show our love for people in a way that we also need to receive it. Take myself for instance, I am a gift giver. I love to shop for other people. I love to give people presents. It is a way that I show my love to people. I buy my children presents. I surprise my husband with new shoes. Doing this fills my love tank. But, it is also one of the ways that I need to get it back from others.

My husband on the other hand, is someone who shows and receives love by acts of service. So although I fulfill my own need for showing love to him by giving him presents, his love tank doesn't get full that way. Nor does he naturally express his love by showering me with gifts, but rather, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, mowing the yard, etc. This is how he shows it and how he needs to get it.

It doesn't come naturally to express love in a way that you don't need yourself, but it is necessary for any relationship, whether that be with a spouse or your children. Yes, your kids have a love language all their own! Learning this early on can change completely the dynamic in your home! I've been working on this for a few months now and I can see both a change in my children's attitudes and a change in my husband.

The first step is figuring out the love languages of those around you, and yourself. Get the book, read it, you'll love it. Simple realizations that can change your life for the better, you will greatly benefit. I would say this is a good first step to repairing a damaged marriage, or even fixing troubled relationships with your teenager (yikes).


The Five Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

There is a test you can take to figure yours out. I bet you can find it online. Google it. Good luck.

✿✿THE FAB WIFE✿✿

Welcome to my blog!! This week is a busy one so I should have lots to post about. SYATP and serving breakfast for 200+ people and cupcake adventures with Emily this week. I'm starting this week off tired and and a bit run down but I'm hoping that prayer and and early bed time tonight  will find me in the right spirit when I wake up in the morning :)

Yesterday we had a guest speaker at FBC, Joe Williams. He is a chaplain to the FBI and worked at the towers after 9-11. Wow that man had some amazing stories to share! He also did a grief share seminar between services. I attended thinking I would be there for support of whomever, having not lost anyone to death recently. However, I quickly discovered that there are many reasons people suffer grief other than death. Things like loss of trust in a marriage, health issues, financial struggles, and loss of vision or dreams just to mention a few, made the list of reasons we grieve. It didn't take me long to realize that I was going through the stages of grief because of a number of hardships and circumstances I have endured recently.

It's amazing how God works, putting me there even though I didn't think it was for me. I feel confident about where I am in the healing process, which I had been questioning, and hopeful for the future God has for me. It's good to know that what I am going through (and all the thoughts related) are "normal" and to be expected. God is Good! Amen?

Perhaps I will expound on this subject later. There are so many great things I would like to share about this subject. Thank you for taking the time to stop in and read my very first blog post!